Admit it. How many times have you looked at old photos of yourself, and thought ‘wow I was something, that was a great time, or I wish I could go back and change that.’ I have. Today, I found myself looking at old pics of me in college, and the whole time I was like dang girl you were living your best life, carefree – I was happy. However at the time I didn’t soak it in. I didn’t realize it and I missed out on some great moments. I wasn’t living in the present. I constantly worried about my appearance, physically and my appearance to others. I always lived in my mind about my future and my next move. Spiritually, I went back and forth with who I am and who I was supposed to be – trying to hide the not so great parts of me. And I realized that the majority of my adult life I have been living in the shadow of my BUT. And no I am not talking about the body part. I am referring to the parts of ourselves that we doubt, that we don’t particularly enjoy or like or want to take on.
Looking at these photos I remembered how worried I was about my shortcomings. Example – I was accepted to participate in a great internship traveling the US but I turned it down. It was my fear of rejection. I knew I was able to do it but my fear of failure got the best of me. Or times I avoided dating or going to events for awhile because I was focusing on my physical insecurities. I also used to be shy and pushed away potential friends because I didn’t want to be awkward or seem unfriendly. We all have those little voices in our head that cause us to doubt ourselves weather its physically, mentally, or spiritually. BUT you know what – who cares? Even the most perfect person has a but. I am going to reference the bible here for believers and even non. Think of the apostles, or the men/women God pointed out and chose to make a difference: Jacob was a cheater, Peter had a temper, David had an affair, Noah got drunk, Paul was a murderer, Gideon was insecure, Martha a worrier, and Thomas a doubter – the list goes on. They all had buts, big ones! These doubts and the not so great things about them didn’t stop them from being the great person they were called to be. And it should not stop you either.
Now, I am not saying ignore the buts in your head. I am a strong believer in self – awareness and making positive changes to the parts of ourselves that we can. Who wants to be the same person they were 5 years ago, right? However, as life has taught us, we will never live a life free of imperfections. Besides Beyonce (lol I kid), we are all HUMAN. We will always have doubts, fears, or things we do not like about ourselves. So I am here to remind you -get out of your head! Live in the moment and enjoy the present season you are in. Whether its a good season or a bad one, what is this time in your life calling out of you? What difference can you make right now for yourself or someone else? What great things are happening in your life that you are missing out on because you are choosing to live in the past or the future instead of now. Stop constantly measuring your but. So, that being said LOVE YOUR BUT, acknowledge it and make it the best you can. Know that you are not who you are during your best season, when all is perfect, and you are not who you are in your worst season, when all is up in flames. Our buts fluctuate, and the same goes for others. Love your flaws and have patience for others too when their but may be just a little bigger than yours. We all are in this crazy world together, enjoy it and celebrate who you are while you can. XOXO – Vanessa